Silky petals float slowly to the concrete ground
Whispering softness seeping into skin
And lust laughing at the loss of love.
Originally the above was a haiku...
Silky petals float
Slowly to the concrete ground
Whispering softness
But I like version two better.
The second (non-haiku) version certainly gives a fuller visual and emotional picture. The English language is a playground for such descriptions; we have so many words and word forms that devices like alliteration can be a lot of fun, and, as I believe this poem illustrates, sensual as well.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I've been somewhat intrigued by haiku lately. The form is so simple and so seemingly bare, yet speaking in riddle-ridden haiku can be a language in itself. So as to which I prefer ... it's hard to choose between the florid English and Japanese minimalist sensibility.