Tag! Round Blahblahblah

And now, for everyone's favorite game of tag chicken...okay, so that's like arrogant or something right? Anyway, the game continues between me and Jenners:

• What would your six-word memoir be (a la the book “Not Quite What I Was Planning”)? A Life Inside of Dreams. Much of my life is spent in stories: on paper, on the screen, in my mind, so it would be disingenuous to focus on anything other than that. But wouldn't it be cool if my six-word memoir was more like Living Fast and Hard on Heels or Blowing Kisses at Voraciously Hungry Crocodiles or My Life as a Weapons Expert? 
• What politician do you have a secret crush on? Ooohhh, we are talking PILFs!!! Well, bring on Aaron Schock, an Illinois Representative. And that's all I know about him, but look at those abs....

• Which “reality show” would you like to be a part of and how long would you last? I don't actually watch reality tv, and honestly I don't think I would want to be a part of any of them; however, I do think it would be funny to put me on like Jersey Shore or some similar young 20s slutty show. I mean who doesn't want a 32 year old married mother who works as a college professor walking around reminding them they are all skanky idiots?

• In your next life, what kind of bird would you want to come back as (and why)? An owl - they are solitary, nocturnal, symbolic of wisdom, and people are like awed when they finally see one in the wild. And people should be awed when they see me.
• What would a haiku describing your high school experience read like?

A red paper cut

On the cheerleader's finger
Declares the reader

An ink-stained finger

Reveals the secret writer
Inside the party girl

The wire-rimmed glasses
Covering the lover's eyes
Show the geek within

Jenners really sucks
Cuz I hate writing haikus
That annoying minx

• If you could be any queen from history, who would it be? I think I would run with "Queen" aka Pharaoh Hatsheput. Even her name is awesome, meaning Foremost of Noble Ladies. She reigned in Egypt for 22 years and in that time she built a crapton of buildings which I just think is awesome for some reason. Of all the things a ruler can do, building the crap out of that desert was her choice. :) Obviously, she did a whole bunch of other things which allowed her to fund these monuments.
• Boxers or briefs? Boxer briefs actually. I sleep in them from time to time. Cuz I'm cool like that.

• What country music song title (made up or real) best describes your life? Yeah....I don't listen to country music....like at all. But how about Much Too Young to Feel This Damn Old by Garth Brooks. I don't really know the lyrics, but the title certainly works.
• What has been your most embarrassing moment as an adult? That's a tough one. I try to block out embarrassing memories, completely delete them from my mind, and I am oddly successful on that front. But I think I'm going to go with labor and delivery. Having a bunch of people staring at my junk with my husband, my mother, and my grandmother there as well was quite embarrassing. And of course there's the enema, the consistent and disgusting leakage, the red face, the sweat, the grunting, and did I mention people staring at my femaleness?
• What was your very first favorite book? Ping. Definitely Ping. I have the entire story here on the blog!
• Would you rather travel to the bottom of the ocean or to the moon? Ocean, most definitely. There's some crazy shit down there (and if there's crazy shit out in space, I'm not sure I want to know):

And have you seen SeaQuest DSV (a favorite of mine when I was a young nerd)? My ten-year-old self found Lucas Wolenczak very very sexy:

And now, 11 more questions for Jenners:

1. What is the appropriate way to determine who gets the arm rest at a movie theatre?
2. What extreme sport would you like to try if you were totally unafraid? Can you ever see yourself doing it?
3. What one thing would you change about yourself (other than the typical female answer of looks, weight, etc.)?
4. Would you rather have a butler, cook, maid, or nanny?
5. Are vacations a time to experience new things or relax?
6. Cougars. Awesome or disgusting?
7. Would you rather your husband learned how to ballroom dance or dirty dance?
8. What tv family is most like your own?
9. What weapon would you learn how to use if all were open to you?
10. What useless facts do you carry around in your head?
11. Is it appropriate for us to start using questions the other has asked due to imagination fail?